I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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