I skipped work to stalk him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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