yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
