So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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