I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
