I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize