FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
did you just send me my own nude
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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