Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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