Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
