ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
