If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
