It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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