my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
