OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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