why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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