What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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