four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
