I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
