Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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