i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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