I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize