1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
