They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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