im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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