im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
