Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
