like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
