I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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