i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
