he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
