btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
