Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
