i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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