chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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