Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
