Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
