I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
