I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
