hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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