Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
