shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
