You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
