you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
