The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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