We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize