i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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