I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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