i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
