I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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