So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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