we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Less talking, more tequila
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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