if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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