Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
