Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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