in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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