Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
