Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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