You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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