Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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