Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
