so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
