Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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