so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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