I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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