the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
