So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
