I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mom said you looked used
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
