I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
