wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
