I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
