Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
