Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You were trust falling into bushes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
