as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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