oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you never un-have a 4some
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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