ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
