did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
