after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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