the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
