I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
