I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
