Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize