after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
