I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
