Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
