Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His nipple licking is glorious
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