just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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