were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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