im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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