you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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