is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize