i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
