We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize