3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize