I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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