If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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