I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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