life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
