i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
