Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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