tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You are the jesus of drinking
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
