im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
