I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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