i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
