Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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