I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im holly from the hills drunk
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
