my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
