Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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