this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
