My first STD was from a foam party
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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