Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
