Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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