I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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