Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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