ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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