69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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